April 30, 2010

Yesterday at 10:40 pm made it six months since I last talked to my beloved Tommy. 13 minutes later made it six months since he drew his last breathe. I truly don't know how I made it or why I am still alive. I miss him so very very much and wish so much that I could be with him.

I had a lot of first in the last six months
first Halloween -- his favorite holiday
first Thanksgiving
my birthday
first Christmas
first New Year's
first Valentine's Day
first wedding anniversary -- our 7th

The last major event will be his birthday on May 30.  Of course then comes the one year anniversary of losing him. 

Maybe the second or third year will be a little easier.  Maybe I can think of him without crying or losing my breath.  Dear God, it has to be easier, just a little.

I am very grateful for the love and support of my mom and brother, my friends, both here and online, especially my best friends Allison and Lesa, and everyone of you who come and visit my blog.  I don't know what I would do without any of you.  Thank you so much for being there.

I love you and miss you so very much, my dearest darling love.

April 26, 2010

June Bead Journal Page


In February of 2005, Tommy and I went home to West Monroe for a visit.  We were living in Williamsburg, VA.  We took 1-64 south through the Monitor-Merrimac Tunnel into Norfolk and then on into Suffolk.  The weather was a little chilly but having the window down to film the trip was still tolerable. 

As we headed west toward on VA 58 going towards 85S, we approached a meadow on my side of the road.  I was still filming and we were talking.  I asked Tommy if he had any idea why the meadow was so foggy.  He had no clue.  The closer we got though, we realized it wasn't fog but SNOW!!!!  We were both surprised by this as the day was so clear and fresh.  But snow it was.  The further we drove the more accumulation there was on the trees and the road.  After a brief time, we caught up with other vehicles.  They were all driving at a safe speed in the right hand lane.  My husband grins at me and then moves into the unused, snow filled left lane....and no he never slowed down.

I quickly tightened my seatbelt and grabbed the oh shit handle.  Tommy just laughed.  Ok, so I'm a southern girl.  This was more snow than I had ever seen at one time in my life and the stuff was still coming down.  I wanted Tommy to slow down and get in the right hand lane where it was being cleared by the cars ahead of us.  He refused.  Said we were safer in the left lane.  Finally we reached an overpass where we were forced by a state trooper to get in the right lane as the left was closed for emergency vehicles coming through. Yes, there had been an accident and yes it was in the right hand lane.  Tommy reminded me of that every few minutes.  After a while all the emergency people were there and the left lane began to fill up with 18 wheelers.  They didn't slow down either.  What is it with men that they think they can control any vehicle on any road in any condition at any time? 

We finally made it 95 and decided to go south on it instead of continuing onto 85.  Good thing too cause as we listened to the radio we heard reports out of Durham and Chapel Hill that traffic was so slow some people moved mere inches in several hours.  They told of trucks trying to make it up the hills of 85 and sliding back down.  Boy was I grateful we decided on 95. 

Tommy laughed at me the whole time we were on icy roads.  I was/am not afraid to admit I was terrified.  He thought it was a blast.  I'm not sure which he enjoyed more, the weather or terrifying me.  He was a very safe driver and we were never in any danger but sheesh.

So this page is a small piece of that blizzard.